Added: Kaysha Jeanpierre - Date: 27.04.2022 08:24 - Views: 46495 - Clicks: 5819
In general, the early stages of dating can be difficult to navigate. Add in a pandemic and getting a relationship off the ground becomes even more complicated. But take a step back, says psychotherapist Marcy Cole, PhD, and this can also be a time of opportunity for people wanting love. Cole has coached couples for more than twenty years, and she helps people navigate through emotional blocks by helping to flip old narratives that spin in our he.
She says that now, maybe more than ever, people are seeking companionship. Although a pandemic introduces a new set of challenges, Cole ultimately sees dating as a process of reframing past scripts and reaffirming our worth. Here, she explains what it takes to find love and the different scenarios that people might be facing right now—with guidance on how to move forward for anyone at any stage of the dating process. Turbulent times are often an equalizer. The static of life quiets, the frenetic pace slows down, and the trivial and mundane become obvious.
Greater awareness surfaces in times of silence and surrender, becoming more visceral and accessible. Rather than sinking you into a vapid abyss of isolation and hopelessness, waves of loneliness and longing can serve as an impetus, revealing more about who you are and your deepest desires. During this time of uncertainty, countless single men and women are experiencing an increase in acute loneliness. But the truth is that the potential for connectivity does not have to decrease during challenging times.
The potential to find love and connection can increase, not in spite of what is going on in the world right now but because of it. The ideas shared here are for those hopeless and hopeful hearts seeking romantic love. May the hopeless gain greater optimism and the hopeful receive confirmation that wonderful things await you. Dating is happening and can happen for you, too.
At our core, everyone wants to love and be loved. Romantic love is where intimate partnership is born, along with the hope that it grows and thrives. You have discovered, dissolved, and released former misguided assumptions, projections, patterns, and hidden roadblocks that hijacked and sabotaged your love life.
You now know more about who you are and your innate worth, and you have named and claimed what and whom you are seeking. Now the fun begins, as you are now ready to interact on the interpersonal field, with the intention to find your person.
Any prior reation is replaced with hopeful anticipation. How do you commit to your intention of finding the love of your life? You take action. How do you stay true to what your heart truly desires? You assess your potential partner prospects, by keeping your vision of what your heart wants in focus and at the forefront of your attention.
There are factors that can hold you back or propel you forward on the path to finding a love that lasts. This section is divided into related to the dating experience. For those blocks that resonate, direct your attention on the perceptual pivot recommendations. Once you do, very green pastures on the road to love await you. Where do I even start? Perceptual Pivot: Your person could be anywhere at work, in cyberspace, on a matchmaking service, at a singles event, on a blind date, in an elevator, etc.
Keep all doors open for them to walk through. Perceptual Pivot: Quite the contrary. The other perspective conveys clarity, confidence, and enthusiasm that you are ready and available. Perceptual Pivot: Consider ing the digital age, where thousands of daily matches are made, and the next one could be yours. Be willing to be transparent about your desires and observant about what people choose to share about theirs. It sucks the life out of my life! Perceptual Pivot: Depending on your perspective, it could be a burden or blessing. Staying in balance, along with an optimistic mindset, will fend off feelings of dating futility or fatigue.
It feels impossible to date during this crazy time. Perceptual Pivot: You do not have to keep your heart on hold. It could be the perfect time. Imagine the slow and steady pace as the new sexy. Our modern world of dating life has been frenetic and fickle.
Social distancing, with fewer external distractions, may offer opportune time for successful discernment. Love is possible anywhere, anytime. Perceptual Pivot: You can learn a lot about people from how they perceive and react to turbulent times.
Perceptual Pivot: Focus on what you can do video chats, virtual dinners, safe outdoor adventures, twenty-one questions get-to-you-know-you text banter. Romance and the possibility of love are ever present, even in a pandemic. Stay curious, get creative, have patience, express from your heart—and if it feels right, embrace it. Perceptual Pivot: There is always a degree of unpredictability in life.
In spite of inevitable periodic turbulence, true love stays steady. Perceptual Pivot: Having rigid age prerequisites can keep you from the one who is perfect for you. There can be powerful appeal, palpable chemistry, and a joyful ride with someone whose energy feels ageless and whose values and visions are aligned with yours.
Perceptual Pivot: Financial health and alignment are important to share in a healthy relationship. They breed stability, trust, and pleasure. Keep your eyes on the real long-term prize: their heart, rather than their bank. Perceptual Pivot: Love is everywhere. Proximity is convenient, but setting geographical boundaries can hinder finding the one just right for you. How will we relate to each other?
Perceptual Pivot: Inquire before making assumptions. With mutual respect, acceptance, and flexibility, there are many ways spiritual compatibility can be found and nurtured. Perceptual Pivot: Rather than project a narrative and as meaning, pay attention to who the person is in front of you in real time. Are they fully over their former relationship? Perceptual Pivot: Marriage is a social construct.
Be careful not to as idealized value to the concept of marriage or devalue someone who has never chosen to take that path. See into the person rather than judging their marital history. If they have had intimacy issues in the past, discuss if and how things may be different for them now. Perceptual Pivot: Remain true to the preferences that work best for you while staying open to reconsider fixed prerequisites. Animals or children do not have to get in the way of the love, passion, and happiness you can share with a life partner. You may be surprised because they may make the ride even sweeter.
Perceptual Pivot: Kindness is key and should be included as a foundational characteristic in a wonderful partner. When there is emotional connection, physical attraction can grow. That said, physical chemistry is what separates friends from lovers. Great friendships can go the distance and last forever, too. Perceptual Pivot: Part of vetting potential right matches for you is determining who is at peace with their past. If they are not, stay true to your course and have the courage and faith to let go. You can always keep an open door in the event you are both in a place someday to be fully present to discover what is possible.
Perceptual Pivot: Beware of confusing possessiveness with passion. They may be suspicious and feel jealous with valid reason. Otherwise, it may be old unfinished business. Everyone on the dating front has had a past. Imposing controlling dictates can smother rather than strengthen the potential for a new love to blossom.
What am I doing wrong? Perceptual Pivot: Remember your end goal is to connect, not chase. Perceptual Pivot: More often, we get what we expect. If you are looking for long-term love, you can absolutely enjoy the ride while also paying attention to: Do they seem comfortable in their own skin? How do they treat the staff at a restaurant? Are they forthcoming about themselves with you? Do they ask questions about you with sincere interest and curiosity? Are they a good listener?
Are they able to relax and laugh with you? Are they generous in the way they treat you? Perceptual Pivot: Potential is often just potential; therein lies the difference between dateable and mateable. Remain loyal to falling in love with your relationship rather than idealizing a person. Sweet talk may sound sweet and feel seductive in the moment, but without consistent action, it turns stale. Continuity is what sustains connectivity. A person who meets your criteria for long-lasting love will show you, through consistent words and actions, that they are available and interested in you.
Perceptual Pivot: Distinguish the difference between perfectionistic expectations and valid discernment about whom you feel most compatible with and drawn to. Perceptual Pivot: Others are not the one you will be going to bed and waking up with. Stay self-directed versus other-directed. If it feels right, explore it and enjoy it. Perceptual Pivot: Notice your physical sensations, your thoughts, and how your heart feels. When interacting with potential partners, listen to what they have to say, watch what they do, feel what you feel in their presence, and tune in to your intuition.
Then choose to trust it. Perceptual Pivot: Turn your worry into wonder. Trust that you will know when you know. Perceptual Pivot: Time will tell if this is a patterned fast uptake and immature chase or a passionate connection with staying power. Tune in to and trust how it feels. In these quieter, stiller times, there is opportunity for heightened awareness. Contemplate where you have settled in the past. In the present time, focus on your intention on attracting the trifecta of forever: friendship, passion, and partnership.
Perceptual Pivot: Pay attention to the hares the quick deep-divers or the slow-motion turtles. Both may be communicating something other than being super available. The hares are often driven by codependent impulsivity with an insatiable need to be filled up by a partner; the turtles may still be burdened with insecurity and can be avoiding intimacy for fear of being hurt again. Perceptual Pivot: Redirect your attention to the truth and beauty of who you are.
Bid farewell to misguided insecurities and ruminations. When you are with the right person, worry about rejection will naturally be replaced with real and visceral feelings of closeness. Perceptual Pivot: Show them all of who you are. Show them the door. The right one will desire, delight, and celebrate all of you.
Perceptual Pivot: Regretting the woulda, coulda, and shoulda of the past blocks the flow of your today and tomorrow. That was then, to learn from. This is now, for you to live and love in.Here s to finding love
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You *Can* Find Love While You’re Still Finding Yourself, Here’s How